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Hair, makeup, living rooms and now sex: It's the last horizon on the TV makeover show bandwagon. British TV is going where no...
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Hair, makeup, living rooms and now sex: Its the last horizon on the TV makeover show bandwagon. British TV is going where no makeover show has gone before into the bedroom and theyve recruited a hot-looking, hysterically funny American sex columnist to teach British couples how to shag. (Im not talking about laying carpet.) Sex Inspectors, a sex life makeover show starring Atlantan Michael Alvear, begins airing on tellies all over the UK next month. Alvear, the author of Men are Pigs But We Love Bacon (Kensington Publishing) is one of two sexperts who provide advice for long-term couples who want to improve their sex life. And if TV trends hold true to past patterns, it wont be long before some copycat producer starts pitching the networks on an Americanized version of this controversial show. American TV has long followed after Great Britain. Trading Spaces was a takeoff on the UKs hugely popular Changing Rooms, and hits like American Idol and Who Wants to be a Millionaire are British imports as well. Many shows we consider American classics like All in the Family, Sanford & Son and Threes Company actually came to us from across the pond. Sex Inspectors uses night vision and thermal imagery cameras to record couples having sex, and viewers actually see the footage. (The show only profiles committed heterosexual couples in long-term relationships.) Alvear and his co-host, British sex therapist Tracey Cox, analyze the sex, meet with the couples and dispense advice on how to spice things up. My first thought was, good Lord, who would volunteer to be on that show? If the Clean Sweep people want to tackle my closets, Id be thrilled, but who would invite a camera crew into their bedroom? But then my internal voyeur got the best of me and I started wondering if there was any way we could watch the show here. But is America ready for a sex makeover show? I doubt it. My middle school daughters bus stop talk may be all about who ate what bug on Fear Factor, but despite our oversexed culture, most of us dont want to think about normal people doing it. Especially people who look suspiciously like parents. Alvear, a true-blue American who spent four months in London shooting the series, says, In America well talk about sex in a funny way, a frat boy way or even a pornographic way. We either trivialize it or scandalize it, but dont want to talk about it in a way that can help us in our daily lives. When you think about it, its rather bizarre that making jokes about not having any energy for sex because you have too much laundry is funny, but talking about rediscovering sexual passion with the person you love makes people uncomfortable. It also was interesting to learn that just as its the women who drag their husbands to Dr. Phil, it was almost always the wife who wanted her man to go with her on Sex Inspectors. As an observer of the counterproductive behavior of men, I wasnt too surprised when Alvear told me, Men may have a reputation for always wanting more sex, but they dont want to do the things outside of the bedroom that make it happen. Avlear advises men to consider housework foreplay and told one TV husband, If you want her in your arms at night, try putting some cleaning products into your hands during the day. With advice like that I think every married man alive should be watching this show! Alvears comments demonstrate that sex is never just about what goes on in the bedroom, especially for women. Its about what goes on in your head. As Alvear says, Your most erogenous zone isnt between your legs, its between your ears. Before you divorce your husband and decide you want to marry Michael Alvear, I have to break some awful news: Hes gay. Did you really think a smart, funny, great-looking guy who understands and can articulate the emotions surrounding sex would be a heterosexual? But, cheer up, straight men all over Great Britain are about to be listening to his advice, and its only a matter of time before his wisdom makes it onto American cable. Home and Garden TV showed us how to hang pictures the proper distance over the couch. And middle-aged women everywhere are looking thinner since What Not to Wear educated us on the evils of tucked-in shirts. Maybe an American gay guy on British TV is exactly who we need to teach both sexes how to enjoy one of the best things God put us on this planet to do.
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